My oldest went to school when he was three. I never thought I would be able to let go that early, but we decided that he seemed ready, and we were really confident in his incredible Pre-k teacher. With that release of precious time, I still maintained constant connection through volunteering. Yes, that’s right, if there’s a field trip, I will be there. So as we went into his second year, I was still that Mom. I AM STILL that Mom. I sign up for everything and anything, and especially show up for trips that require a drive off-campus. It’s not that I don’t trust the hands that we’ve placed him in, it’s just that, well, I’m not sure I’m ready to let go.
The Post Family Farm is a lovely fall class trip destination, and this particular day was exceptionally crisp and delightful. Nearing the end of this successful voyage, Mack discovered that his steering wheel on the pig train did not spin the way it was supposed to. Tears and emotions poured from his face as he coped with this difficult reality. As the ride came to an end, kids began to line up to head back to the bus. I put my hand on his shoulder and tried to console him with my best, “it’s going to be ok,” pep talk. Nothing was really helping.
We walked back with the group and I witnessed something beautiful. Two of Mack’s classmates were taking him in and speaking over him. One held his hand, the other had his arm around him. They were reaching a place that I could not. My Mother’s heart beamed. I realized something. We HAVE placed him in good hands. We can love him tightly, and maybe not let go right away, but one thing I need to remember is, God meets our needs, including Mack’s. God speaks to our hearts, not only within our immediate family, but also in community. Had I not been there that day, my beautiful baby would have been loved, comforted and cheered up, without me. Seeing that, helped me. I realized, it was and is ok to let him grow up a little bit, every day, even if my Mom heart doesn’t always feel ready. That day, I needed to grow up a little bit too.